How to Sleep Better: Expert Advice from Kathryn Pinkham

Sleep is one of the most underrated foundations of our wellbeing — and yet for most of us, it's the first thing to slide. We all know that foggy, depleted feeling of trying to get through a workday on a few broken hours. But what's actually happening when we sleep, and what can we do about it?

We spoke to Kathryn Pinkham, speaker sleep coach, insomnia specialist, and founder of The Insomnia Clinic, to get the answers.

Understanding how sleep actually works

We've all heard the standard advice of getting 7–9 hours of sleep, but that's only half the story. NHS data lead Dr Raphael Oliya explains that during a full night's sleep, you move through four to six cycles, each lasting around 90 minutes. Every cycle is made up of four stages — the first three (NREM) progressively deepen your sleep, while the final stage, REM, is when the brain is most active and the body is most still. The split between each stage and the duration of each cycle is called your sleep architecture.

• ‍Stage 1 (N1): Dozing off. Easy to wake, usually lasts 1–5 minutes.‍
• Stage 2 (N2): Temperature, heart rate and brain activity all drop, with short bursts of brain activity. This stage initially lasts 10–25 minutes but lengthens as the night goes on — you'll spend up to half your total sleep time here.‍
• Stage 3 (N3): Deep sleep. The body relaxes further and this is where the real restoration happens — physical recovery, immunity, and key brain functions. It lasts 20–40 minutes early in the night but shortens with each cycle as REM takes over.‍
• Stage 4 (REM): Brain activity ramps back up, but the body enters temporary muscle paralysis (apart from breathing and eye movements). This is the stage associated with dreaming, and it's essential for memory, creativity and insight. REM makes up more and more of each cycle as the night progresses.

Seeing it laid out, it's clear how even a few hours of insomnia or restlessness can cut you off from N3 and REM entirely. Your body only enters REM after at least one full cycle — so a couple of lost hours can make a real difference to how your brain functions the next day. That's where the brain fog comes from.

The role of sleep drive

One of the biggest factors controlling sleep quality? Your sleep drive.

"When you wake up in the morning, you're building an appetite for sleep," Kathryn explains. "The longer you're awake, the stronger that appetite gets. If it's high when you get into bed, you'll fall asleep quickly and get better quality sleep."

This is also partly why Sunday nights are so difficult. Over the weekend, alarm times shift, lie-ins happen, and by Sunday evening your sleep drive is weaker than usual — right when you're also anxious about the week ahead and tempted to get to bed early. Kathryn's advice? Resist. Going to bed an hour later than usual on a Sunday gives your sleep drive time to build, and makes it much easier to drift off.

Quality over quantity

The pressure to hit eight hours is, for many people, part of the problem. Kathryn's worked with clients for whom eight hours simply isn't realistic. "What we really want to look at is quality, not quantity. A good deep sleep for six hours is much better than eight hours of broken sleep."

And if you find yourself clock-watching at 3am, try to take the pressure off. "Your body will seek to regulate itself. If you don't sleep well on Sunday, you'll likely sleep really well on Monday — because your sleep drive will be higher. You will cope."

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Three steps to thinking like a good sleeper

A lot of sleep difficulty is psychological. The thoughts we carry about ourselves as sleepers can actually entrench poor sleep patterns. Kathryn's three-step approach tackles this directly.

1. Notice your thoughts. Pay attention to how often you tell yourself things like "I've always been a terrible sleeper." Every time you repeat it, you reinforce the cycle. Don't beat yourself up for having those thoughts — just start noticing them.

2. Reframe them. Swap "I've always been a terrible sleeper" for "I don't always sleep brilliantly." Replace "I can't cope with less sleep" with something more accurate: if you're getting to work, feeding yourself, and functioning — you're coping, even if it doesn't feel great.

3. Think like a good sleeper. Make a list of the beliefs a good sleeper would hold, and practise them. Things like: "Whatever sleep I get, I know I'll cope tomorrow." "I always get some sleep, and I'm doing the right things to improve it."

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When to look beyond habits

Sleep issues aren't always about mindset or routine. There are conditions and life stages that significantly affect sleep — and that may need professional support.

• ‍Perimenopause and menopause: Around 65% of women experience sleep disturbance during this stage. Options include HRT and menopause-specific CBT. Explore top women's health voices.‍
• Mental health conditions: Depression, anxiety and ADHD all affect sleep in different ways. CBT for insomnia can help with this specific symptom alongside broader treatment.‍
• New parents: Kathryn's advice here is to stop fighting it. "Have a normal evening. Have dinner. Spend time with your partner. Get a few jobs done. You can get just as much energy from relaxing and being in the moment as you can from sleep sometimes."‍
• Sleeping tablets: These can create psychological dependency and anxiety. If they're not working, seek professional support to gradually reduce dosage rather than stopping abruptly.

Do you actually need a strict sleep routine?

Maybe not. "If you're a poor sleeper and you have a strict routine, the chances are you're making things worse," says Kathryn. Sleep hygiene tips — lavender sprays, blue light glasses, set bedtimes — can increase anxiety around sleep. "The harder we try to sleep, the worse the cycle gets."

Often the most useful thing is removing the pressure entirely. Tune in to how sleepy you actually feel, address any anxieties earlier in the day, and create an environment that's conducive to rest. That's usually enough.

Looking to bring expert sleep insight to your team? Kathryn Pinkham is available for keynotes and workshops through PepTalk. Get in touch to find out more: email us at hello@getapeptalk.com or send us a message via the chat. You can also call us on +44 20 3835 2929 (UK) or +1 737 888 5112 (US). Remember, it’s always a good time to get a PepTalk!