Making Space for Grief – A Psychologist Teaches Us About Loss

Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, yet it can feel deeply isolating. On BBC Radio 1’s Life Hacks, Dr Carolyne Keenan joined Lauren Layfield and Shanequa Paris to talk about how we can better understand grief and support ourselves and others when we’re in the thick of it.

Here are the key themes explored during the conversation:

1. There’s No One Right Way to Grieve

Grief doesn’t follow a neat timeline. It can hit in waves – sometimes with intensity, other times with numbness. People often feel pressure to “get over it,” but there’s no expiry date on grief. The emotions you feel – anger, guilt, sadness, shock – are all valid, even if they don’t arrive in the order you expect.

“Healing happens through feeling.”

We often try to distract ourselves or feel rushed by others to move on. But it’s in allowing our emotions – not avoiding them – that real healing begins.

2. Anger, Sadness and Fatigue Are All Normal

Many listeners spoke of feeling angry or physically run down. This is a natural response to emotional shock. Our bodies carry grief too. Tiredness, appetite changes, breathlessness, and even illness can all be signs that we need to slow down.

Let people know when you’re having a low day. Adjust expectations and be kind to yourself. Some days you’ll manage more; others you won’t. That’s okay.

3. Grieving Someone Who’s Still Alive

We also spoke about the kind of grief that isn’t always acknowledged – such as estrangement, friendship loss or break-ups. These types of grief can be just as painful as bereavement. Just because someone is still living doesn’t mean we don’t grieve their absence.

4. Public Figures and Sudden Losses

When someone famous dies, particularly at a young age, it can stir up powerful emotions. Even if we didn’t know them personally, their loss can connect us to our own past bereavements or feelings of injustice. That grief is valid too.

If you’re feeling the effects, seek community. Speak with others who understand. Join memorials, light candles, and allow yourself to mourn.

5. Creative Ways to Process Emotions

If you can’t find the words, find other ways. Painting, music, movement, or writing letters to someone you’ve lost can be powerful outlets. One of my favourite suggestions: write a letter to the person who died. Say what you didn’t get to say. Keep the connection alive in your own way.

6. Milestones Are Personal

Birthdays, anniversaries and holidays can be especially painful after a loss. Some people find these days a helpful time to reflect and honour the person. Others find them overwhelming. There’s no right approach – just your approach. Let others know what you need.

7. Complicated Relationships, Complicated Grief

If the relationship with the person you lost was difficult, grief can be confusing. Guilt, relief, resentment and sorrow can all coexist. Finding a therapist or journaling privately can help untangle those mixed emotions in a non-judgmental space

8. Final Thoughts: Let Others In

If this conversation – or any recent news – has triggered memories of past losses, don’t suffer in silence. Grief needs witnesses. Reach out. Let others support you.

“Grief doesn’t shrink. Life grows around it.”

That idea – shared by a listener – beautifully captures the truth. Life may never be the same again, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still be good.

If you or someone you know is struggling, please know that support is available. Talk to a GP, reach out to a therapist, or speak with a trusted friend. You are not alone.

💡 Would you like to explore this issue with Dr Carolyne Keenan? To book her as an expert speaker, email us at hello@getapeptalk.com or message us via chat. You can also call us on +44 20 3835 2929 (UK) or +1 737 888 5112 (US). Remember, it’s always a good time to get a PepTalk!