Why Leaders Who Ignore Empathy Are Quietly Losing Their Best People

Without giving too much away, I entered the world of work in an era when people used the quote from the movie Wall Street “lunch is for wimps” as a badge of honour. It was a tough environment where bosses felt that to show too much of a connection to people was a sign of weakness. And, if staff didn’t like it they knew where the door was. Also, during the 80s and early 90s there were a series of crippling recessions in the UK which made people fearful and therefore they stuck with their jobs and put up with it.

Empathic Leadership

During the 90’s and noughties it felt to me that some progress had been made. People started to openly talk about caring and listening to their teams. Even mindfulness became a bit of a buzzword. However in the last decade we seem to have reached a new plateau with corporate messaging about welfare and wellbeing being ubiquitous, whilst the pressure on teams, in particular leaders, has increased.

Many organisations claim that they are only as good as their people. If that is true and if your organisation relies on the people in it to thrive, make money and grow it is vital to understand and be aware of what your people are going through.

» Explore: Top Empathy Leadership Specialists & Speakers

What is Empathy?

Empathy is the incredible capacity humans have, to feel what other humans feel – literally.  As brain imaging technology has advanced, we have learned that, under the right conditions, humans can experience the same emotions and feelings as someone else. When we hear a story, the same areas of our brain become active as in the person who is describing their experience.

Empathy is Not for the Faint Hearted

Empathising with others is not without risk. Feeling those emotions can be exhausting and is definitely not straightforward.  I would argue it is a heck of a lot tougher than briskly dismissing the experiences of others and failing to engage.

Engagement might be the key

And that’s an interesting word isn’t it: ‘engage’. Leaders expect their teams to be engaged. Staff engagement indicators are used as a performance metrics, leaders’ bonuses can be linked to scores for staff engagement, we create staff engagement champions and staff engagement events. But are leaders challenged enough about engaging with their teams?

What’s in it for me?

Let me ask you a question. Can you name a leader who has really inspired you? A person for whom you would go the extra mile, share their vision, stay late without grumbling. For me, it was a very senior civil servant who took the time to listen to me. She also shared enough about her own story to convince me that she was genuine and I could rely on her to support my perspective. By taking the trouble to empathise with me really made an impact and as a result I was always willing to go the extra mile for her and if she hadn’t left the organisation, I might still be there now.

The immediate benefits of empathic leadership are loyalty, commitment and hard work but the rewards are even greater. Understanding your team, being able to ‘get’ what motivates them, can empower you to unleash your team’s true potential. 

Not Soft, Not Easy

This approach does not mean that you will never have to challenge a person’s performance or their actions. However, it may enable you to see issues as they arise, giving you the opportunity to intervene before performance levels drop. 

» Book: Andrew McNeill via PepTalk

A Superpower for the Non-Superhuman

It is important you look after yourself too. Being empathic is a superpower but it’s unlikely you are superhuman. If, like me you’re not, to avoid overload it is sensible to set clear boundaries with yourself and your team. It is not possible to solve everyone’s problems, which is why it is important to maintain a professional detachment while at the same time making connections and empathising with your teams.

Not Just for Our Teams 

At this point in time there are so many challenges in our lives that we need to overcome; personally, professionally and globally. Our time is being defined by rapid change and uncertainty. The people we meet through work are also unlikely to be superhuman. Clients, peers, our own leaders, as well as our teams, are likely to feel those stresses. If we choose to connect, to empathise with the fellow humans we meet through work, we may be surprised by the results.

Moving Forward

Unlocking the best in those we work with requires leaders to reconnect with one of our most powerful human strengths. By tuning into our capacity for empathy and intentionally making time for teams, peers and clients; leaders can create deeper trust, stronger connections and ultimately improve performance.

Looking for a workplace culture speaker who understands real empathy and culture transformation? Book Andrew McNeill through PepTalk and give your leaders tools they can actually use. Email hello@getapeptalk.com or send us a message via the chat. You can also call us on +44 20 3835 2929 (UK) or +1 737 888 5112 (US). Remember, it’s always a good time to get a PepTalk!